February 24, 2011

Work at Home = Madness at Home

The first three months of Willa's life were filled with only her.

When she was in utero, I promised myself I wouldn't let other stuff, stuff outside this little bean, distract me. I would be Mama first. The rest would come after. And, I would not. I repeat, would NOT take on too much outside work.

You see, I'm somewhat of a pleaser. I like to help and I love when I'm needed. Oh, and I can't say no to people I like or issues I care about. So, I have a tendency to take on too much. I vowed that this baby would make me better at boundaries.

I was very clear with my work how much I could give and I turned down several opportunities that came my way (from people I like and on issues I care about) to better focus on the part-time writing gig I do have, the side writing projects I want to work on and most of all, my babe.

It's all gone to hell.

February 14, 2011

Big Girl Pants

Today, I pulled a sleeper out of Willa's drawer, a hot pink one with little pale pink hearts all over it. It's Valentine's Day and even if no one will see us dammit, we're going to be festive. (I'm learning, very quickly, that as a stay-at-home mama if you're not festive for yourself then who will you be festive for?)

I pulled the cute little suit on and in places, it was a little big, but overall, it fit. Then, I looked at the size. Nine months. Nine months. I've put her in too-big sizes before. Six month outfits for a four month old isn't a stretch. I can imagine six months old. But are we really this close to nine months?

Then, I looked at my to-do list on the wall. It includes the following:

-Put together high chair
-Research first baby foods
-Bring crib in from garage
-Child proof bathroom cabinet
-Order Willa's walker

My God. Where did the the last five months go?

Since Willa arrived, time has stopped, accelerated and slowed to a crawl -- sometimes, all at once.

Already, I've felt the sting of nostalgia and the terrifying "they-grow-up-so-fast" cliche. But, this, perhaps, is my first precipice.

Three weeks ago she rolled over. Two weeks ago, I had to let our a button on her adjustable cloth diapers. A week ago, she sat in her first high chair. Last week, I noticed her picking her little rump up, making the first silhouette of a soon-to-crawl baby.  Today, she fit into her first nine-month sleeper. In a few weeks, she'll be eating food -- like the same kind of food we eat.

It feels like these little moments are leading up to something BIG and I'm not sure I'm ready for it. She's in her big girl pants, and I'm not sure I fit in mine yet.

February 7, 2011


In the last two weeks, the bean has become a wholly different little being. She's gone from infant baby sweetness to little personess just. like. that.

She's all smiles and giggles these days and is so, fully squishable.

She's also very into swinging around while I sing loudly.

I've been turning up "Home" by Edward Sharpe and the Magfinicant Zeros (partially inspired by this adorable video of a Daddy and daughter singing it) as loud as our computer speakers will blare and we twirl around the room, me singing at the top and her squealing.

The other day, I noticed that despite the utter delight on her face, her little hand was still tightly clutching at the hair on the nape of my neck.

What a perfect human experience: Squealing with abandon, but not forgetting to hold on tight.


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